tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8837495233178788380.post3372126956232497522..comments2024-02-14T04:11:41.463-05:00Comments on WORDS for YA: Can We Guess Your Character's Age?Melindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11542106414099032742noreply@blogger.comBlogger28125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8837495233178788380.post-27675165852794725842020-01-31T02:57:46.544-05:002020-01-31T02:57:46.544-05:00satta king
satta Matka make the mistake of your d...<a href="https://www.playbazaar.in/ResultChart.php" rel="nofollow">satta king</a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.playbazzar.com/result_chart.php" rel="nofollow">satta Matka</a> make the mistake of your debts is going to be forgiven if you take Chapter 7 bankruptcy is a magic debt eraser. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13836434256285912978noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8837495233178788380.post-30769901087411331052011-12-13T13:10:13.105-05:002011-12-13T13:10:13.105-05:00She is 16!
Thanks for reading everyone! Happy to...She is 16! <br /><br />Thanks for reading everyone! Happy to be a semi-finalist!Melindahttp://melindawriter.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8837495233178788380.post-54901711133466190462011-12-10T20:53:08.149-05:002011-12-10T20:53:08.149-05:00Oh, and I agree with some others—the first couple ...Oh, and I agree with some others—the first couple lines sound like a strong male MC voice, and then it becomes female. A little strange…I might rewrite them. And bruises don't start turning purple/blue until at least 24 hours. So the developing bruise would be red/pink, and not match blue. It's a cute comparison, but not accurate, sadly. =/-https://www.blogger.com/profile/10117900591201766114noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8837495233178788380.post-87141478853893507862011-12-10T20:48:31.760-05:002011-12-10T20:48:31.760-05:00My guess is 16, maybe 17. =)
As for the excerpt, ...My guess is 16, maybe 17. =)<br /><br />As for the excerpt, ditto what SwiftScribbler said about everything! The only thing I can think of to add is that ', but all this cheerleader crap really bugs.' doesn't sound very authentic to me, for the character that you're setting up. The use of 'bugs' sends a very preppy, goody-two-shoes message, which is quite at odds with the whole punching and thinking cheerleading is lame thing. Just my thoughts! =) Good luck!-https://www.blogger.com/profile/10117900591201766114noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8837495233178788380.post-9751900681555259502011-12-10T15:16:33.014-05:002011-12-10T15:16:33.014-05:00Thank you everyone! Let's just say you are doi...Thank you everyone! Let's just say you are doing VERY well. :)<br /><br />SwiftScribbler, thank you for all the feedback. Love it. Some of the things you commented on are actually only issues because I cut a word or two to fit in the 250 mark. And some are addressed VERY soon after this ending. But made note of everything and made a couple adjustments!<br /><br />Thanks again everyone!Melindahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16046117203206391843noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8837495233178788380.post-30667329515564588272011-12-10T14:59:27.297-05:002011-12-10T14:59:27.297-05:00I love this. Violence against cheerleaders is alwa...I love this. Violence against cheerleaders is always winning and the clone part was good. The voice is certainly teen. I'll go with 16. Nice.Shell Flowerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08127004188099765270noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8837495233178788380.post-64996227209137825252011-12-09T19:05:30.851-05:002011-12-09T19:05:30.851-05:00I really love this opening and want to read more. ...I really love this opening and want to read more. Just enough details to hook you in! I am guessing 16.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03335427276116292574noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8837495233178788380.post-51402892636978167532011-12-09T15:37:05.719-05:002011-12-09T15:37:05.719-05:00I'd say 16? love her attitude :)
Julia
vegap...I'd say 16? love her attitude :)<br /><br />Julia<br />vegaprep.blogspot.comAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8837495233178788380.post-54735094641886020622011-12-09T08:46:18.941-05:002011-12-09T08:46:18.941-05:00Errr--typo--in the third paragraph I meant "I...Errr--typo--in the third paragraph I meant "I would also recommend the NEXT paragraph start with some reaction to the sudden silence"--not the one where she describes the punch! Sorry :).SwiftScribblerhttp://www.swiftscribbler.weebly.com/blog.htmlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8837495233178788380.post-19016511916806708362011-12-09T08:43:32.492-05:002011-12-09T08:43:32.492-05:00Hi Melinda,
Your entry is a ton of fun! I'm ...Hi Melinda,<br /><br />Your entry is a ton of fun! I'm going to go with 17. As always, I have a ton of comments--pitch whatever you want :).<br /><br />I actually don't mind you starting with the punch because it's so exciting and raises a LOT of questions, but I do wish you gave us some clues as to her state of mind when she did it--just something simple like "Before I knew what I was doing..." or something so we know that either (a) it was a heat-of-the-moment type thing and she's a surprised as everyone else, or (b) it was premeditated and she was making a point. I think that might help people like her, despite her violent tendencies, because we'd understand her motivations (at least a little).<br /><br />I also would recommend the paragraph start with some reaction to the sudden silence in the gym rather than a description of how boys smell, only because I think that's what she'd notice first. I like that the line lets us know where she is, but maybe try to rewrite it in context of all the staring.<br /><br />I also think we could use a hair more description of Cambelle's reaction before she starts screaming, and it could also be a good place to drop a clue about the relationship between the girls. Maybe something like "Cambelles as shocked as anyone. Bet she never figured...[clue as to relationship]" except waaaay better :).<br /><br />I love the "making me appear 100% preppy. So not me." part, but after that I think we loose some of the tension with the next couple lines. She just PUNCHED a GIRL in the FACE in front of the WHOLE SCHOOL!! Then she thinks about how she wiggles her butt and how cheer leading is lame. Consider ending with her thinking about repercussions, or with a feeling of victory (and possibly clues about why she did it). "X is gonna happen, but when I think about Y--So worth it."<br /><br /> Overall your writing is really strong and I love the scene you set.I love how your opening really makes me curious--what would possess this girl to punch another girl in the face in front of the whole school? <br /><br />Great job and Good luck!SwiftScribblerhttp://www.swiftscribbler.weebly.com/blog.htmlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8837495233178788380.post-11440093846501195302011-12-08T23:18:01.445-05:002011-12-08T23:18:01.445-05:00I think I'm gonna go with 17. This is such fun...I think I'm gonna go with 17. This is such fun! I love this contest - so many col stories to read :)S. L. Hennessyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06514651403542719387noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8837495233178788380.post-54538772038026570252011-12-08T22:50:28.233-05:002011-12-08T22:50:28.233-05:00I'm going with 16. I like the storyI'm going with 16. I like the storyMarie Gilberthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07275544861810872122noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8837495233178788380.post-14874405952203167892011-12-08T22:38:40.722-05:002011-12-08T22:38:40.722-05:00My first thought was 17. I will have to read it ag...My first thought was 17. I will have to read it again for critiquing when I'm not half asleep. But it seems terse and vivid.No Onehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07802794822033933906noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8837495233178788380.post-38300462614710430882011-12-08T18:46:03.503-05:002011-12-08T18:46:03.503-05:00I'm going with 17 or 18, definitely an older M...I'm going with 17 or 18, definitely an older MC but still in high school. <br /><br />And I thought it was a boy from the first line, too, but changed my image immediately when I read the "reeks of boy" line--in my experience, only girls notice when places reek of boy. Then it was great characterization. ^_^Francesca Zappiahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16876692064254806825noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8837495233178788380.post-24635961938818619202011-12-08T18:24:27.631-05:002011-12-08T18:24:27.631-05:00I'd say 17 (maybe 18 if she's still in sch...I'd say 17 (maybe 18 if she's still in school and not graduated by then). An older teen, though.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8837495233178788380.post-50804156803462083602011-12-08T17:06:34.951-05:002011-12-08T17:06:34.951-05:00I'd say about sixteen. I like her. :D
The &qu...I'd say about sixteen. I like her. :D<br /><br />The "I shake my tail better than I walk" line threw me off a lot, though. It felt kind of out of place?<br /><br />But I love your character voice. She's got spunk. I like the mention of the colors of the blood/face/bruise matching the uniform, too.Laura Josephsenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04239501665574945313noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8837495233178788380.post-75787434060442709522011-12-08T16:45:22.036-05:002011-12-08T16:45:22.036-05:00Feels 16 to me, but just so ya know, until I got t...Feels 16 to me, but just so ya know, until I got to the ponytail/skirt part, I totally thought it was a male MC1000th.monkeyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16835988128285459745noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8837495233178788380.post-66211756455657573902011-12-08T14:37:43.356-05:002011-12-08T14:37:43.356-05:0016-17. She has to be old enough to be that ballsy-...16-17. She has to be old enough to be that ballsy--to whack a girl in the face. I'm not bothered at all by the punch. I find it to be a great bang to start the novel. The voice is strong, the action succinct. Very well done.<br /><br />My only comments: I would ditch "automatically" in this sentence. I don't think it'd necessary. "my skirt and automatically making me appear one hundred percent peppy." <br /><br />Also, I don't love this phrase: "I shake my tail better than I walk". It seems like something an older person who uses old sayings would say and not a teen. <br /><br />Great job and good luck!Heather Webbhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16998406608932437532noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8837495233178788380.post-46088894267202410562011-12-08T14:01:42.159-05:002011-12-08T14:01:42.159-05:00I would put her at 16 or 17 as well. And I didn...I would put her at 16 or 17 as well. And I didn't have a problem with the punch. ;)Charity Bradfordhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01960821077619680661noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8837495233178788380.post-29603833353145746122011-12-08T13:21:44.438-05:002011-12-08T13:21:44.438-05:00Thanks for reading and commenting everyone! I'...Thanks for reading and commenting everyone! I've been getting feedback from others for awhile now and there are a few that don't care for the "punch". Most seem okay, though, like Stephanie said.<br /><br />I think she's in line with the way some characters her age might act, and my character does have a bit of a temper (which she learns to tame) but also a buttload of compassion and insecurity, too, which I also make evident in the next few pages. <br /><br />This first scene definitely sets up the kind of book this is, and I think a reader who has read the query/back cover will be prepared for this kind of irresponsible, crazy behavior. <br /><br />Thanks all! :)Melindahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11542106414099032742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8837495233178788380.post-57921476766642918762011-12-08T12:22:08.007-05:002011-12-08T12:22:08.007-05:00I posted my guess before reading the other posts a...I posted my guess before reading the other posts and I just wanted to make a comment in response to Kelly above. <br /><br />The opening doesn't bother me...I have faith in the author that the main character is someone I want to have sympathy for. I immediately believe the punch was justified...and I want to know what horrible thing this girl did to the MC to make her react in such an extreme way.<br /><br />Good luck!Stephaniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17401931638397651614noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8837495233178788380.post-35019327880406898882011-12-08T12:18:43.941-05:002011-12-08T12:18:43.941-05:00I'm gonna say 15! Interesting beginning! I def...I'm gonna say 15! Interesting beginning! I definitely want to know why she punched her! And why she's a cheerleader if it's really not her thing.Stephaniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17401931638397651614noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8837495233178788380.post-14644631304798012452011-12-08T12:09:58.209-05:002011-12-08T12:09:58.209-05:00I should also say that this is very vivid -- I lik...I should also say that this is very vivid -- I like the way time freezes. It's a great scene, but for me, it's not a good way to meet a POV character.Kell Andrewshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18089691866850131698noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8837495233178788380.post-59957649714961157062011-12-08T12:02:40.427-05:002011-12-08T12:02:40.427-05:00I also would guess 16. Other opinions may differ, ...I also would guess 16. Other opinions may differ, but the violence is a little off-putting for me, since I don't know anything about these characters and my sympathies aren't naturally with the girl doing the nose-breaking.Kell Andrewshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18089691866850131698noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8837495233178788380.post-9218055129891038832011-12-08T11:56:23.606-05:002011-12-08T11:56:23.606-05:00This comment has been removed by the author.Kell Andrewshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18089691866850131698noreply@blogger.com