Saturday, October 22, 2011

Can you leave us breathless? Blogfest Contest!

(If you are checking in to see who won King and Queen of literature, scroll below.)

Here is my entry for this super fun contest on Brenda Drake's blog!

This is from my newest YA novel, which is a romantic thriller. Any and all comments welcome. Thanks for taking a peak!

The lid closes. It’s just the spiders and me. I rest my forehead on my knees.

The small ones are fast and already run my arms and around my neck. My skin prickles, and tremors shoot through me. With my nostrils pinched shut, I barely part my lips and take shallow breaths whenever I don’t feel scurrying legs near my mouth. My hair moves as it fills with the nesting creatures, and a slow crawler with a furry belly sneaks onto my ankle and under my jeans.

My entire form shudders and shakes, wanting to hyperventilate.

Breathing slow is torture. I need to distract myself. I try to forget the constant movements and itching and think about Treston. He’s watching me. Has he decided I’m not worth his love? The thought sickens me more than the spiders, and my heart swirls down my chest, landing somewhere near a kidney.

The big spider scaling my chin brings me back. There must be hundreds crawling along my flesh now. On my arms, my neck, my face. Down my shirt. Ugh.

More shallow breaths—controlling my panic hurts.

I try to think about Emerson. His kiss, his feelings. The way we grew up together. But I can’t stop thinking about the haunting creatures.

I bang on the lid. Cool air rushes in, and I stand, keeping my eyes and mouth closed while I’m brushed off.

“I think you’re good. Just shake your legs before you step out,” says Luke. “Now go clean your clothes out in the private area. You’ll get your score later.”

In the curtained area, I undress to nude and shake everything out twenty times. When a spider falls, I grab my shoe and crunch it. Maybe that will help me sleep tonight. But I doubt it.

I’ll be feeling spiders for the next year.

Thanks for reading!

11 comments:

  1. I'm completely phobic about spiders so by about line 3 I was squirming in my seat! Ewwwww. But I also want to know what's going one, why she's in a box with spiders...

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  2. Oh dear...spiders! and that too scrawling all over! I think I could feel the way she felt when she crunches it with her shoe. Haha...nice scene.

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  3. I don't mind spiders, but that doesn't mean I want them crawling on me. What the heck was she doing int he box? Is it some sort of twisted contest?

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  4. Yay, up to 49 followers now! So excited to check out your blog... Why haven't I been here sooner?? :)

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  5. Yes, definitely curious about the spider box. I'm also wondering about Treston and Emerson. Two different guys she has to decide between? Would love to read more :)

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  6. I like spiders and was a bit sorry she crunched them at the end, but I did understand why. There were a few things that research will clear up (spiders don't immediately nest when they reach someone's hair, they start to eat each other if in a big group, and to make so many move fast the box would need to be warm but not hot, and big spiders usually move slow and deliberately). As to the writing, it flowed well and the tension was just right.

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  7. EEeeee!!!! So creeped out right now! Awesome job. What a unique premise.

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  8. Thank you for participating in Can You Leave Us Breathless? Blogfest Contest. Your entry has been judged.

    Good luck!

    The Judges
    (Connie, Joannine, Marissa, and Brenda)

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  9. Wow, there is no way I'd survive in that box. I don't have anything against spiders, but I do have something against any sort of insect (other than lady bugs, butterflies, walking stick and praying mantises) walking on me. talk about eebee jeebies. Definitely want to know more about Treston and Emerson. Good luck!

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  10. Thank you for reading everyone! And thanks for the comments! Much appreciated. :)

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  11. Really enjoyed the ending. It was the creepiest part of the story for me, realizing that she is part of some sort of morbid competition.

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