Cleaning up my pitch and first paragraph for CRIMSON (YA) aka REMAINDERS. I've recently decided to start the story during chapter two, so I just threw this first paragraph together and will be working on it throughout the weekend. All help welcome! Thanks!
A naive teenage girl becomes hostage by the evil-fighting Remainders who saved her and must figure out what they’re hiding, what they plan to do, and why she fits in.
A naive teenage girl must figure out why the evil-fighting Remainders saved then kidnapped her, and why she fits in so well some of them want her dead.
The alley reeked of cheap alcohol and rotting fish, but it served as a stellar short cut. I checked my cell. Not even midnight. Perfect.
I rounded the dumpster at the back of the building, and stopped short. A guy with straggly hair towered over another that looked just as grimy. It only took the glimmer of the moon shining off his red-stained knuckles to make me turn in retreat. A holler echoed of the buildings to my sides. Was he calling to me? Didn’t matter. I quickened my pace. It matched my breathing. I heard footsteps behind me, but my nerves had wound too tight to turn. A hand grabbed my shoulder, black dirt formed lines under the fingernails. Crap. I never should have snuck out.